we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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