Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
