I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
