i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
