Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
