...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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