How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
