I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
