Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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