my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
