Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
