theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
