we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
