peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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