my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
