Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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