I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
