Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
