Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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