I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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