That's intense
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
