I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
