I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
