I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
