we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
