I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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