I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
