Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
