my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
