Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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