i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
