i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
