So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
