So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
