Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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