Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
