Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
