She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
