i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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