He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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