I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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