I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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