i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
