She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
