i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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