I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
