My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
