i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
