Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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