how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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