make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
