That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
