HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
