If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
