Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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