I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
